"You'll never groom dogs in this town again!" ; Café Manhattan ; The young man and the sea ; How to be difficult / Henry Alford -- The Yanni files / Kurt Andersen -- A prayer for Bill Clinton / David Bader -- Independence Day ; Parlez-vous français? ; An aesthetically challenged American in Paris, part II / Dave Barry -- You could look me up sometime ; I go to golf school / Roy Blount Jr. -- A Graceland for Adolf ; Upcoming house votes / Zev Borow -- Let's hear it for cheerleaders ; Lapses of photographic memories ; A year-round tan for the asking ; The bane of every vacation : souvenirs / David Bouchier -- Memo from coach ; As I was saying to Henry Kissinger ... / Christopher Buckley -- Away from it all ; Give one for the team / Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely -- God, help me! ; Autumn of the matriarch / Rich Cohen -- Future schlock / Cathy Crimmins -- What we told the kids ; Un caballo in maschera / Prudence Crowther -- The midwest : where is it? / Michael Feldman -- Come stay with us ; Desert surprise: Saddam picks Bill ; Return Saddam's limo ... now! / Bill Franzen -- Laws concerning food and drink; household principles; lamentations of the father / Ian Frazier -- Flowers of evil: ask Charles Baudelaire ; Authors with the most ; Long day's journey into abs ; Yankee, come home / Frank Gannon -- A good man is hard to keep: The correspondence of Flannery O'Connor and S.J. Perelman / Veronica Geng and Garrison Keillor -- Testing, testing ... ; The cheese stands alone ; Post-euphoria / Veronica Geng -- Why are kids so dumb ; Clarifications ; What we talk about when we talk about little green men ; Design intervention / Chris Harris -- Too late to become a gondolier? ; Me and my delusions ; Eating the desk ; Into the giga jungle / Paul Hellman -- The hidden life of rocks ; Degas, c'est moi ; You say tomato, I say tomorrow ; Chicken à la Descartes / David Ives --

Even more memoirs by even more McCourts ; Love bug ; More mergers / Jay Jennings -- Rejected polls / Chris Kelly -- Driving Mr. Crazy ; Red diaper baby / Josh Kornbluth -- Money / Fran Lebowitz -- Trout ; Jumpin' jiminy ; Space travel food / Franz Lidz -- Piscopo Agonistes / Franz Lidz and Steve Rushin -- The way of the ear ; Eleventh-hour bride / Sandra Tsing Loh -- I network with angels ; Phone hex ; Birthdays: so now what? / Merrill Markoe -- Things that are confusing ; How and why book of magnets ; Joyce Maynard looking back ; Bad numbers / Patricia Marx -- Sunken treasure / Daniel Menaker -- One guy's TV ; After this word from Motel 3 ; O.J.: the trial of the next century ; Scrambling for dollars ; Gambling in the schools / Howard Mohr -- Diary of a genius ; TV Guide, soon ; My genetic memories ; The last publicist on earth / Mark O'Donnell -- Memoir essay / P.J. O'Rourke -- March / Samuel Pickering Jr. -- No strings attached ; Ferret-face ; Barnes ennobled / Daniel Radosh -- T.G.I.Y2K! / Daniel Radosh and John Aboud -- All happy families ; Christmas freud ; El Niño has a headache ; In New England everyone calls you Dave / David Rakoff -- The million millionaires march ; Wing Tsu ; T.S. Eliot interactive ; Buy me / Michael Rubiner -- Rejected celebrity cab announcements ; Conspir-U.S.-cy history ; Dysfunctional adult education catalogue ; The all-purpose concession speech / Bill Scheft -- Front row center with Thaddeus Bristol / David Sedaris -- Humor thy father / Stephen Sherrill -- Khmer Roué ; Taking the A train to early retirement / Stephen Sherrill and Paul Tough -- A few notes on sex education / Bob Smith -- The last supper, or The dead waiter ; Pen pals / Jon Stewart -- I am a tip-top starlet ; To our valued customers ; Getting over getting stoned / Garry Trudeau -- Manifesto ; Glad rags / John Updike -- From: Corporation communications at CRT301 / Colleen Werthmann.